Some bad days don't have an end,
They cut and grind and pull at your soul.
They twist and distort everything you see,
You can't tell who or what you might be.
All you can do is try to get through,
All you can try is to not keel over and die.
But it drags on and on and pulls you along,
You cannot get free, cannot escape.
You call for help but no one will come,
Or when they do you are too far gone.
You hide in yourself and pretend
That everything around you is at an end.
And even if you keep trying there's no guarantee,
That everything will end happily.
But listen my son, you must travel on,
You must keep on going and never stop.
For if you find yourself going through Hell,
You must keep moving forward.
You don't want to end your journey,
At a destination that you cannot bear to be.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Of Dreams and Other Things
"Imagine what they'll think when we come in together," she said, a look of mischievous intent in her eyes.
"We could make them think we are dating or something, that'd really throw them off..." I responded, not completely sure who I was trying to fool.
"No, I think it will be better if they just sit there and wonder, without ever really knowing."
"Alright, but we can still make it look good," I said, as I hooked my arm in hers and proceeded into the restaurant.
The couples sitting around the table were all people that we knew, though exactly how was nearly indescribable. The two of us knew almost each one independently of each other, in one of those weird coincidences that is surprisingly frequent in life. We both had our own histories with and opinions of these people, but we both shared a mutual dislike for most of them.
Before we got to the table, the people saw us and immediately started speaking in hushed voices we couldn't hear. It hardly mattered, because we knew what they were saying. The weird nerdy guy and the long haired party girl were together? How did they even know each other?
"Joe!" Ron said, getting up to shake my hand, "What are you doing here?"
Smiling as I took his hand, I responded quite simply, "The lady here needed a date..."
Ron was probably the person here I disliked the least. He was loud, and a bit annoying at times, but at least he was straightforward. He said what he actually thought, forgot to lie like the others took for granted. Like so many others took for granted...
The night, thankfully passed quickly. Though the food was overpriced and the company was less than ideal, we had fun despite them. We enjoyed being together more than we hated our surroundings. All night we had been faced with God-awful conversation and occasionally even worse singing, as one of the people with us tried to belt out some old rock song playing over the restaurant's advanced and underutilized sound system. It all came together perfectly...
The opening chords of a Rolling Stones song we knew so well began, and we simply could not resist upstaging all of them...Since we could actually sing.
"Well you bit my lip, and drew first blood, and warmed my cold, cold heart. And you wrote your name right on my back, boy your nails were sharp. Don't stop! Honey don't stop. Don't stop! Baby don't stop," We sang together, pulling each other closer despite our public setting. Some sort of magic in the song made us forget who we were, and where we were, and everything around us. We kissed, and again and again. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt...
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It's interesting how dreams can seem so real, even when things don't quite make sense or go together in a weird way. What are the chances that the girl in this story brings a date that all of the other people know? What are the chances that the girl, who I went to great pains not to describe, but I'm sure you imagined as quite beautiful, couldn't get a real date to this unnamed event and resorted to the nerdy guy who she's friends with. Why did I "know" all of the people in the dream, even though I can only recall a few of their names (Ron is not one of them, by the way...but seeing as these were real people, I didn't want to use actual names). Why would a night around unsavory people and a single song bring two people nearly to the point of passionate lovemaking in a public place who weren't even actually dating? Yet until I woke up, I believed it all. And I have to say, when I woke up I was very sad that it wasn't happening. After all, it was certainly something better to look forward to than I have right now.
There were two things unique to this dream that I never experienced before. The first was the girl. She was not someone that I know, not someone who exists. She was a composite of several females in my life, including at least one fictional one. While I have certainly had dreams containing generic people that I did not know, I have never dreamed in a way that the primary character was someone who doesn't exist. Perhaps I subconsciously created the perfect woman tonight in my sleep. But if so...she wasn't what I expected. And I find that more than a little strange.
The other thing...Was the music. I've never had music that vivid in a dream. Or I should say, never had lyrical music that vivid. The fact that I recognized a song after I woke up, enough to sing it or to write the words here, was something new. And it's a good song, don't get me wrong, a very good song in fact. But not what I would have imagined my mind would have thought of. It was perfect for the whole thing...but quite simply not what I would have expected to happen. And I think maybe that's why dreams are so believable. Rarely in life do things make sense, and almost never what you think is going to happen actually does. I hope I find this unexpected girl some day, and that we come together in this manner that I can hardly believe. However, I wonder if even thinking of this, wishing it were so, makes it less likely. We shall have to see...
"We could make them think we are dating or something, that'd really throw them off..." I responded, not completely sure who I was trying to fool.
"No, I think it will be better if they just sit there and wonder, without ever really knowing."
"Alright, but we can still make it look good," I said, as I hooked my arm in hers and proceeded into the restaurant.
The couples sitting around the table were all people that we knew, though exactly how was nearly indescribable. The two of us knew almost each one independently of each other, in one of those weird coincidences that is surprisingly frequent in life. We both had our own histories with and opinions of these people, but we both shared a mutual dislike for most of them.
Before we got to the table, the people saw us and immediately started speaking in hushed voices we couldn't hear. It hardly mattered, because we knew what they were saying. The weird nerdy guy and the long haired party girl were together? How did they even know each other?
"Joe!" Ron said, getting up to shake my hand, "What are you doing here?"
Smiling as I took his hand, I responded quite simply, "The lady here needed a date..."
Ron was probably the person here I disliked the least. He was loud, and a bit annoying at times, but at least he was straightforward. He said what he actually thought, forgot to lie like the others took for granted. Like so many others took for granted...
The night, thankfully passed quickly. Though the food was overpriced and the company was less than ideal, we had fun despite them. We enjoyed being together more than we hated our surroundings. All night we had been faced with God-awful conversation and occasionally even worse singing, as one of the people with us tried to belt out some old rock song playing over the restaurant's advanced and underutilized sound system. It all came together perfectly...
The opening chords of a Rolling Stones song we knew so well began, and we simply could not resist upstaging all of them...Since we could actually sing.
"Well you bit my lip, and drew first blood, and warmed my cold, cold heart. And you wrote your name right on my back, boy your nails were sharp. Don't stop! Honey don't stop. Don't stop! Baby don't stop," We sang together, pulling each other closer despite our public setting. Some sort of magic in the song made us forget who we were, and where we were, and everything around us. We kissed, and again and again. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's interesting how dreams can seem so real, even when things don't quite make sense or go together in a weird way. What are the chances that the girl in this story brings a date that all of the other people know? What are the chances that the girl, who I went to great pains not to describe, but I'm sure you imagined as quite beautiful, couldn't get a real date to this unnamed event and resorted to the nerdy guy who she's friends with. Why did I "know" all of the people in the dream, even though I can only recall a few of their names (Ron is not one of them, by the way...but seeing as these were real people, I didn't want to use actual names). Why would a night around unsavory people and a single song bring two people nearly to the point of passionate lovemaking in a public place who weren't even actually dating? Yet until I woke up, I believed it all. And I have to say, when I woke up I was very sad that it wasn't happening. After all, it was certainly something better to look forward to than I have right now.
There were two things unique to this dream that I never experienced before. The first was the girl. She was not someone that I know, not someone who exists. She was a composite of several females in my life, including at least one fictional one. While I have certainly had dreams containing generic people that I did not know, I have never dreamed in a way that the primary character was someone who doesn't exist. Perhaps I subconsciously created the perfect woman tonight in my sleep. But if so...she wasn't what I expected. And I find that more than a little strange.
The other thing...Was the music. I've never had music that vivid in a dream. Or I should say, never had lyrical music that vivid. The fact that I recognized a song after I woke up, enough to sing it or to write the words here, was something new. And it's a good song, don't get me wrong, a very good song in fact. But not what I would have imagined my mind would have thought of. It was perfect for the whole thing...but quite simply not what I would have expected to happen. And I think maybe that's why dreams are so believable. Rarely in life do things make sense, and almost never what you think is going to happen actually does. I hope I find this unexpected girl some day, and that we come together in this manner that I can hardly believe. However, I wonder if even thinking of this, wishing it were so, makes it less likely. We shall have to see...
Notes of the Archmage
So, I was a blogger for a little over a year at a place called Prolenet. We did alright, had a decent number of readers, but a few months ago the site went down. When our founder brought the page back up, he changed it from a blogging website to more of a private forum environment. Which is all well and good. But I feel as though I need a place where I can write alone and apart. And so I decided to create this place, where I could put down thoughts and feelings, ideas about the future, my creative works (limited though they may be) and other little bits of whatever I feel like. So, welcome to the Notes of the Archmage. I hope that you may find something interesting here, something enjoyable, something worthwhile to you. So, once again, welcome, and thank you for reading.
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